Low Carb Coke?

4 Comments / rant

Coca Cola announced a mid-calorie cola named C2, ostensibly to compete with Pepsi “Edge” and billed as a solution to the low-carb dieters who have been marooned on the distant asteroid where Diet Coke is unavailable. The timing of this is funny because I just finished reading Max(x) Barry’s
Syrup, which spoofs marketing in the consumer beverage market (e.g., the protagonist’s first idea is FUKK cola in a black can, aimed at Gen-Xers), and
Jennifer Government, which is the capitalist’s paradise view of the future.

22:19 — I was thinking about the silliness of this “half Coke” this evening…. the press has slyly portrayed Coke as something of a health food when, in fact, if you gave it up, you’d save quite a few calories. So, along the lines of “Coke is Good Food,” here are some suggested avenues for them to explore:

  • Coke with Calcium — Hey, if you don’t drink milk, avoid cheese, hate yogurt, and don’t like the smell of your breath after eating sardines with bones, just try New CoCa — get it, the chemical symbol for Calcium? It might help build healthy bones. From the makers of calcium-fortified frozen concentrated orange juice. (That’s Coca-Cola, aka “Minutemaid” bubba!)
  • Crystal Coke — contains bleaching agents that remove stains from all those years of colas, coffee, and chocolate. No, we’re not copying Pepsi again. Stop laughing at us — Douglas Daft (ed — sorry, couldn’t resist.)
  • Cokuprofin — because sometimes the only things that will get rid of a bad headache are caffeine and an analgesic. (Or a good romp in the hay…. and that’s unfortunately not always an option, especially at the office.)

    • 4 thoughts on “Low Carb Coke?”

    1. Debbie

      I might actually buy it if they offered Diet Cokuprofin, but regular soft drinks taste like syrup to me.

      Funny post. 😀

    2. Director Mitch

      Actually, the drink sections of the isle are filling up with stuff with “herbal” supplements, so having your colas start adding “medicines” which aren’t regulated by the FDA isn’t that far a stretch (with a cold turned sinus infection these last wo weeks, I could have used a Cokafed (Coke plus Sudafed).

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